Hell.

Teaching three writing classes is not doable, or at least not for me. The only way I have a single nostril above water right now is because my research writing class is in the research phase; even that is slated to end this week as the annotated bibliographies come in. Of course part of the stress is teaching two new classes, where I have to devise new lesson plans (oddly, it’s the daily grammar lessons that are sapping my will to live…hmm, tangent:

I learned this teaching ESL learners: if you don’t teach grammar, students complain that they don’t learn grammar. If you do teach grammar, students either don’t apply what you’ve learned (because writing is more complicated that sample sentences on an overhead projector), or they don’t care, or they believe they are the exceptions who may abuse grammar because they think they know better. Which they don’t. In my experience, the only way to learn grammar is to use grammar, and revise until you learn how to use it correctly. I don’t know how to teach this effectively.).

Anyway. This is week five, I think, so we’re nearly halfway through. That does not, however, in any way help me get started on what needs to be done this week. It’s a strangely paralytic feeling, knowing how much needs to be done and not being able to actually summon the strength to do it, then stressing about the mounting stress, then imagining my dad saying, “Quit fiddling around and get started,” which only further stymies my will to live.

And the water, I can feel it seeping into that last remaining nostril.

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Edit: five hours later, I have more or less gotten my shit together, have quit feeling quite so sorry for myself, and am … er, don’t remember how this sentence was going to end, as I’m not fixated on whether “gotten” is a word. Okay, it is. Life can go on.

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Edit No. 2: six hours later, I am finished; better yet, the last few papers were great!

• A cover letter that describes the contents (apparently they won’t speak for themselves).
• A statement of intent that describes my future goals (yeah, hi, I’d like some kind of job thingy).
• A publishable paper that somehow relates to my area of interest, which is technology in the classroom. (Too bad my best work came out of my Moby-Dick course…dammit. Now I have to write a totally new paper just for the portfolio. BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE ENOUGH ELSE TO DO.)
• An annotated bibliography from which is derived the question I’ll answer in my, yeah, THREE-DAY EXAM, which I am TOTALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO*.

All of this is in a current state of half-assedness, due in about two weeks, and my stress level is through the roof. I want to find a place in Pullman to stay so I’m not so totally wiped out on Tues/Thurs but it’s impossible. Gah.

So if I’m a bit snappish and angry for the next few months, know that it’ll pass. And in May, I get to get some kind of hood thingy that says, Yeah, this girl is now a fucking magister. Worship her, bitches.

*big fat lie