Color key: Red = west teams, green = north, blue = south, purple = east

It is ridiculous that Minnesota, Dallas, and Houston are all farther west than St. Louis, yet St. Louis is in the NFC West division. Speaking of Dallas, it’s in the NFC East division, and Miami, the southernmost team, is equally ridiculously grouped with three northeastern teams. And just look at how much travel must be done within the two western conferences as compared to, say, the NFC or AFC North teams.

I’m not saying the geography and resulting travel time matter a great deal, but if it did — say for energy conservation reasons — what could the divisions look like? Here are a few options:

1. Geographically efficient.

There is no perfect layout, but this is one of the most geographically efficient. (One team in the west sticks out like a sore thumb no matter how you lay it out.)

2. Nice and neat…except the northwest.

3. Preservation
This preserves the idea of North/South/East/West conferences in a way the first option doesn’t, and it also preserves some divisional rivalries, such as DEN-OAK-KC, MIN-GB-CHI, CLE-CIN, WASH-PHIL, BUF-NYJ-NE, and CAR-ATL.

4. Longitude:

If we’re just going by longitude — and I see no reason to do so; this is just for curiosity — this is how it would break down.

Ooooh! Orton is taking the field! Gotta go.

So today, partly because of Lucy, I’m thinking about Michael Vick’s reinstatement into the NFL. For those of you who haven’t heard, he was convicted of financing a dogfighting ring and sentenced to two years in jail. He’s recently gotten out, and yesterday he signed with the Philadelphia Eagles (who, it should be noted, already have a capable quarterback in the form of Donovan McNabb; Vick will presumably be the backup, as it’s uncertain when he’ll be eligible to play during the season — NFL commissioner Roger Goodell hasn’t ruled on that yet). Many people have opinions on whether or not Vick should be able to return to the NFL after having been convicted of a felony, and they base these opinions on a variety of reasons, from the simple “he’s a felon!” fact to more nuanced notions of leadership and example.

My opinion — and it’s hard to say this as Lucy snoozes in her kennel, snoring like a foghorn — is that Michael Vick showed unspeakable cruelty toward animals that just makes my stomach turn, but he served his time, and he should be able to return to the NFL. It was, after all, his job prior to his sentence, and as his crime was  not related to his career, I don’t see a problem with him returning (i.e. I would not want a convicted arsonist to become a firefighter).

What I do have a problem with is him returning to the NFL and being awarded a $1.6m contract with an option for $5.2m in bonuses. According to ESPN’s Lester Munson, Vick could actually earn $9.8m over two years. While I understand that Vick has debts to take care of as well as a fiancee and two children to provide for, I don’t think he deserves a million-dollar salary, however far below his record salary when he signed with the Falcons it may be. That comparison is moot, in my opinion, because Vick has not practiced in two years and is therefore unproven, and because it is — or it should be — a privilege to play in the NFL. Kids all over the country make role models out of athletes, and I believe that status should be earned.

What I would rather have seen is Vick be offered a base rookie salary — I think this is somewhere around $190,000 a year. Let him earn his way back to stardom, not become complacent — as he did on his first try — with all the money and fame. If he has to file for bankruptcy, so be it. Many of Vick’s problems stemmed from financing his friends and family members, and now that he’s got seven digits of income, he’ll start getting hit up for loans again.

I hope he cleans up. I hope he gets his game on and is a success in the NFL, in his kids’ lives, and in his own. Mostly I hope he becomes the role model he used to be for millions of kids, and this time I hope it’s genuine. I hope he one day deserves a multimillion-dollar salary. I just don’t think he does yet.