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When it came time to sign up for presentations in my seminar this semester, I took care to choose one well after my portfolio, exam, and oral defense were finished. And then, in a fit of gallantry for my colleague who had everything due in a span of these two weeks, I offered to switch dates with her. So it is that I am presenting on a particularly impenetrable text tomorrow, and the only thing I can think to use as an example of democratizing technology is Cylons and BSG. That 4.0 gpa I was bragging about in my previous post…: Ah, Pride? Let me introduce you to my Fall.
In other but related news, today I broke into furious sobs after spilling some coffee grounds on the counter. At the time it seemed like such an apt metaphor for, like, life or control or messiness…something, y’know, all deep and shit.
For those of you considering graduate school, are you effing crazy? well, good luck.
10:30 to 10:50 Fetal position, again
10:51 More revision.
11:40 Paper has magically grown two pages
12:25 The Husband is home; I am suddenly aware of how much I must stink and need to shower
12:26 Still working on paper
1:20 Still working on paper, but in desperate need of deodorant and/or shower
2 p.m. Put finishing touches on brand-new conclusion and e-mail quick question to adviser
2:06 Headed to the shower
Paper still needs a solid proofread, but I think it’ll do. I’m pretty sure I’ve cleared up the major questions my adviser has. Also the middle cushion on this couch is now shaped like my ass. BECAUSE I HAVEN’T MOVED FOR SEVEN HOURS (aside from two brief forays into fetality and a few trips to purge my body of its caffeine overload)
And did I mention the sky, it is so blue today? So very beautifully blue.
4 a.m. Begin waking in twenty-minute increments until
6:20 a.m. The Husband gets up
6:22 Wow I really have to go the bathroom and I don’t want to walk all the way downstairs but I don’t want to go while The Husband is in the shower
6:32 So uncomfortable…
6:36 I wish I couldn’t hear the shower water through the wall…water, waterfalls, whitewater…
6:37 That is the longest shower EVER
6:38 Oh thank god he’s out
6:39 MUST HE SHAVE RIGHT NOW?
7 a.m. Okay, have my coffee, have laptop, even have paper open on said laptop
7:10 Read through paper, comments
7:11 Give up in despair
7:11 – 8:15 Fetal position
8:16 Facebook
8:22 New York Times. Finally caught up on Twitter article
8:45 Grudgingly begin working on paper
9:15 On a roll
10:00 Okay, I’m doing it: I’m putting a Calvin & Hobbes comic in the paper (in addition to the xkcd comic already in it [this one, though today's is pretty applicable as well])
10:20 Have run out of steam (and coffee and sugar)
10:21 Blog
see also No. twenty-five on my facebook list
First, government must fail because it works through a continuous problematisation of the domains in which it operates. It engages with social reality by representing it with intellectual instruments that show this reality only in the light of what it could be, under an optimal administration of its natural and human resources. Government thereby programs its own failure and it does so as a condition of its ongoing and truly remarkable inventiveness. …State schooling is not an instrument of a universal self-realising moral personality. It is an apparatus of social training that happens to have deployed the pastoral techniques of moral self-regulation as instruments of social discipline.
You asshole.
Edit: Wait, I have more!
Second, we have argued that the capacities of the self-reflective person are not themselves grounded in the principle of self-reflective personhood. These capacities we have traced to specific ethical disciplines and relationships whose ultimate provenance is the ’shepherd–flock game’ of Christian pastoral guidance. It is only inside the specially instituted relations of moral problematisation and self-concern—of pastoral surveillance and self-examination—that individuals acquire the interest and moral ability to concern themselves with themselves and to carry out that ‘work of the self on the self’ that we know as the self-reflective person. As the improved adaptation of this pastoral pedagogy to the exigencies of government, the modern school system was not therefore taking over the principle of self-realisation as ‘prescribed by the eternal and immutable dictates of reason’. Instead, it was borrowing and adapting a definite and limited set of ethical disciplines and relationships, inside which the capacity for self-reflection was formed as a moral deportment.
Arse.
If I had a superpower, it would totally be to make people well. I know that sounds lame and do-goody, but it’s not: the true reason is that I just. can’t. stand. the whining associated with illness.
Segue:
I consider this portfolio an illness, and one that will be monumentally better come Tuesday when it’s turned into my chair for review (this is the pre-committee review). I don’t much like being around people who are whiny (this came up in pre-marital counseling when the dear man told me I had a “distinct lack of empathy”), and if I could float up and out of my body while it does the work finishing this fucking folio, that would be fantastic. But that’s about as likely to happen as my superpower. In the meantime, I have never been in a worse mood. You all have trifling problems with relationships, mortal illness, and job loss? Puh-leeeeeeeeeese. I’ve totally got you beat. Hopefully next week I will once again be able to appreciate the sounds of birds chirping and singing, etc., but in the meantime, unless you possess not just a wand but also the magic required to wield it, stay away.
(If I have any friends after this endeavor, it will be a miracle.)
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