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So here’s what I predicted back whenever. And here’s what actually happened.
Oakland at Denver: predicted Denver. Wrong.
Cincinnati at Denver: Predicted Cincinnati. Wrong.
@Tennessee: Predicted Denver. Wrong.
@Green Bay: Predicted Green Bay. Correct.
San Diego at Denver: Predicted San Diego. Correct.
Bye
@Miami: Predicted Denver win. Correct.
Detroit: Predicted Denver win. Wrong.
@Oakland: Predicted Denver win. Correct.
@Kansas City: Predicted Denver loss. Wrong.
New York Jets at Denver: Predicted Denver loss. Wrong.
@San Diego: Predicted Denver loss. Wrong.
@Minnesota: Predicted Denver win. Correct.
Chicago at Denver: Predicted Denver loss. Wrong.
New England at Denver: Predicted Denver loss. Correct.
@Buffalo: Predicted Denver win. Wrong.
Kansas City at Denver: Predicted Denver win. Wrong.
I was correct 6/16. Worse score I’ve ever gotten, I think.
The one thing I did predict? An 8-8 record. The thing I didn’t predict: Denver going to the playoffs. Nor did I predict Denver, San Diego, and Oakland all having an 8-8 record with KC only a game behind, nor did I predict Tebow’s six-game winning streak, then three-game collapse.
Wow. I mean, WOW. Slow start, wild finish. I hate Tebow’s arm, hate the fact that he’s being lauded for winning a game when he CAN’T THROW THE DAMN BALL, but I love his legs and I love Broncos wins, and I love seeing Rex Ryan look like he’s trying to shit a turtle.
You know what the worst thing is about one’s husband being productive all day? He raked most of the leaves the tree shat on the lawn and spent the entire evening sorting through and filing away old papers, looking, vainly, for Boy Genius’s birth certificate. So what’s bad, you ask, about a productive husband?
HE’S SO GODDAMN SMUG ABOUT IT. Yes, Dear. You worked all day while I did some mild housecleaning and am now spending the waning hours watching football. No, Dear, I DO NOT WANT TO SORT OUT MY PILES OF JUNK. Also they’re already sorted. INTO PILES.
After getting Boy Genius to bed last night, I was headed downstairs with a yet-unconsumed glass of Mommy Needs A Minute (or similar) and the Husband was popping a Redbox DVD into the player, and instead of watching where I was going I was admiring the view of his backside. The next thing I knew there was a loud popping sound in my ankle and I had managed to fall nearly flat on my face without spilling a drop of my beverage. Clearly I missed my calling as a pub wench. Chances are it’s a bad sprain and/or a really minor fracture, and instead of going for X-rays (something having a high deductible makes you think about), we watched our movie and went to bed and wished Daylight Saving Time was a concept a toddler could understand.
Today I’ve been laid up on the couch all day with a bag of ice and football on television. And by “laid up” I mean I’ve only jumped up and high-fived, danced, and/or screamed “Run, run, RUN” about ten times, including one that awoke Boy Genius. But hey. This is a momentous day: not only did the Chiefs hand Miami their first win of the season and the Chargers help the Packers stay unbeaten, but the Broncos beat Oakland in Oakland. In your stupid face, Raider Nation.
So, to recap: I had to stay on the couch all day and watch football and all the AFC West teams except the Broncos lost and it was good. Very, very good.
Day two of NaBloPoMo and I’m thinking about football. It’s Thursday, which means I’m on the upswing of my weekly Broncos football depression bender. Okay, so we got pounded last week by the Detroit Lions and my predictions have me flunking Divination 101, but this week we’re playing the Raiders (and according to the506.com, I’ll actually get to watch this on television instead of my laptop) and who knows — maybe Tebow will get benched in favor of, um, Elway?, and we’ll pull out a miraculous win. Hope springs eternal for a Broncos fan.
I’ve never, ever liked Tebow — not since he injected politics into a Super Bowl commercial last year, definitely not when McDaniels used a first-round pick to draft him, never in any of his lousy starts, and I allowed only the slimmest sliver of hope when he helped the Broncos come back to beat the Dolphins two weeks ago. I was not surprised by his performance against Detroit. Suffice it to say, I am not a fan. But I will give him this: Most of us tense up for our annual review with our boss; Tebow gets a daily review not just from his boss but from most of the sports world — one that’s published, broadcast, and otherwise disseminated to millions of people, not just given in a windowed office on a sheet of 8.5 x 11 paper. And I guess they pay guys like him millions of dollars so they can go buy thick skin to make themselves impervious to our criticism, but still. That’s rough.
So I hope he plays well. For us this week, and for another team in the future. Because the Broncos have a lot of issues, and our current game of quarterback whack-a-mole is getting old, fast, for us fans.
Yeah, I know. But I’m in good company: none of the rest of y’all blog anymore, either. So…there?
But in an effort to account for the lack of blogging, I give you a list (with occasional hyperlinks) of excuses for why I no longer write anything longer than a tweet. Speaking of which,
1. Twitter. Here I like to vent about companies, then realize I’m in the wrong. Actually that happened yesterday, when I spent a good twenty minutes on the TOMS shoes website trying to figure out how to calculate tax/shipping on shoes and was unable to do so without creating an account (grr), so naturally I griped about it on Twitter. Today, like a moth to flame, I went back to the TOMS website because WE LOVES THE SHOES SO MUCH and lo and behold, you could calculate the shipping on the site. And you could check out as a guest, both without creating an account. I SWEAR BY MY PRETTY FLORAL BONNET that this was not possible yesterday, but I also do not trust my brain these days, so I’m sorry, TOMS, if I was wrong, but I really hope that I wasn’t. ‘Cause I’ve been wrong and it’s embarrassing.
2. Cooking. Today I made these cinnamon rolls, and then the bastard I live with ATE THE MIDDLE ONE. If you wonder why he’s got a crick in his neck for the rest of the week, it’s because the couch isn’t quite long enough.
3. The kid. I have one. It’s a lot of work. Totally worth it, but oh my. I had no idea tiny little hugs and the slapping sound of pudgy knees and hands crawling — nay, sprinting — across the living room floor could affect my heart so. And by “affect my heart,” I’m talking about all the caffeine necessary to keep his cute little butt alive to see another day. Oy.
4. Netflix. Oh, I remember when television was something you watched from a big box in your basement instead of your laptop wherever, whenever. BUT YOU GUYS, I can indulge my Damian Lewis crush (e.g. Captain Winters in Band of Brothers; who says gingers aren’t hot?) right here on my couch while the child gnaws on the dog’s chew toy and the dog gnaws on the child. I can also watch the complete seven or six or whatever seasons of Weeds in a month, which I am not proud of nor a better person because of but did anyway because I’m a sucker for well-written shows. (See also Veronica Mars, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, and Castle. Okay that last one isn’t well written, but it has Nathan Fillion.)
5. Books. I don’t read nearly as much as I used to, but The Family Fang by Kevin Wilson and Freedom by Jonathan Franzen were both fantastic. Am also going through Corrections by Franzen as well as the short stories of Mark Twain, which I’m embarrassed to admit I’ve read little of. [Tangent: I really want to get a Ph.D. in literature with my area of study being humor. Tell me this would not be a waste of time, please?]
6. Football. Of course. It’s October; what else is there to do on Sundays?
7. Ignoring politics. Okay, that’s a lie. But I haven’t been writing much about it, and I figure everyone’s blood pressure is healthier for it.
As summer is waning, the NFL is waxing — and, in my metaphorical hemisphere, will totally eclipse the stupidity that is our endlessly waxing election cycle. So before the preseason begins tonight, and before the regular season begins in September, I’m going to make my Broncos astrological predictions.
Overall, I predict the Broncos will continue their low orbit in fourth place in the AFC West. The three other teams have been getting stronger, with San Diego at its zenith (or possibly just past it), Kansas City a rising star with last year’s AFC West victory, and Oakland now able to overcome its Al Davis-led gravitational collapse. So my general prediction for the AFC West is 1. Kansas City, 2. San Diego, 3. Oakland, 4. Denver. Pretty much the same as last year, the larger question being whether KC or SD is No. 1.
Caveat: These predictions are solely based on Kyle Orton as our starting QB. If we put Tebow in, I predict the International Astronomical Union will downgrade Denver to dwarf planet, like Pluto, and S&P will downgrade it to Arena League. And the thing about Tebow isn’t that he’s not a nice guy (he is) or that he doesn’t work hard (he does) or that I’m ashamed of his pro-life views (I’m ambivalent, but leave them out of the NFL, please); it’s that nearly all the great quarterbacks sat back awhile and watched from the sidelines as better QBs led. Very, very few recent rookie/first-year QBs have done well: Matt Ryan and Joe Flacco being two that come to mind. But there are many more busts or mehs: JaMarcus Russell, for one (a supernova if there ever were); Brady Quinn (also a Bronco; frak!), Matt Leinart, Brodie Croyle, Tarvaris Jackson, Matthew Stafford. Sure, most of those guys were on low-caliber teams — but what is Denver right now? I love my Broncos but all systems are not a go.
Furthermore, it doesn’t help that Denver finished 31 out of 32 teams last year, and hired the coach of the 32nd team. (There’s a Challenger metaphor that would be inappropriate here.) Sure, Fox’s old team, Carolina, was looking to scuttle and start anew and didn’t want to start with an outgoing coach. But a 2-14 record? Come on. I haven’t kept abreast of Fox’s current contract but by Apollo it better be full of incentives. The guy’s overall record is 78-74-0. Not exactly Super Bowl caliber, even if he has been to one (Panthers lost to Pats ’03 season/’04 SB). I know head coach pickings were slim last year, but I would almost’ve preferred another year with McDaniels. Almost.
So. With all that said, and looking at Denver’s draft class, I’m hoping we at least pull an 8-8 record this year.
Preseason
@Dallas
Buffalo
Seattle
@Arizona
My prediction: 2-2, who knows (or cares) which two. Could be any of ‘em. That’s a weak/middling schedule and preseason means nothing, except we hope to see Denver get off the ground.
Regular Season
Oakland (wrong — loss)
Cincinnati (wrong — win)
@Tennessee (wrong — loss)
@Green Bay (loss — correct)
San Diego (loss — correct)
Bye
@Miami (win — correct)
Detroit (wrong — loss)
@Oakland (win — correct)
@Kansas City (wrong — win)
New York Jets
@San Diego
@Minnesota
Chicago
New England
@Buffalo
Kansas City
Bolded are my rather hopeful predictions. Honestly, though, even getting to 8-8 is going to be tough.
The regular season has some interesting points: That stretch in the middle starting in Miami is a killer. Denver plays five out of seven games on the road — ouch. They’ll be coming off a bye, but that’s still pretty grueling. And one of the teams they’ll be playing at home, the Jets, is nothing to laugh at, unless we’re talking about Rex Ryan’s foot fetish. So while I predict they’ll start out well on the road, I can’t see them holding up. And then coming home to face Chicago and New England? Ugh — and moreso because Jay Cutler, who left Denver thanks to the the planetary alignment of former Bronco coach Josh McDaniels and both men’s egos, will surely be arriving in Denver with a bit of a chip on his shoulder (and, depending on the season, what could be a bittersweet welcome from fans like me who miss his rocket arm dearly). The football gods are not shining on Denver these days.
Fortunately, the season ends with Buffalo and Kansas City, two potential wins if Buffalo is its usual self and KC has already wrapped the AFC No. 1 spot. So it could be at least mildly uplifting, if not, well, liftoff.
So here’s my prayer to the Mile-High heavens: Denver, just don’t embarrass me. No blowout losses (especially at home) and no shut-out losses. When you lose, at least keep the game exciting.
In the name of the Rockies, cold beer, and John Elway, amen.
I hereby reserve the right to stick my head in the sand and cry “La la la la!” every time I hear something I don’t agree with. At least for the next five weeks, because apparently SOMEONE’S blood pressure is a little too high and that’s a bad thing, yessirree.
So I have an excuse for my ignorance; what’s the rest of the country’s?
Oh, and if anyone tells me to stop watching football in order to lower said blood pressure, I will commence head-in-sand activities. Broncos are on a bye this week anyway, so…la la la….
I came by my blog to update my Broncos predictions and realized I had never published them — like so many things, they lingered in the “Recent Drafts” folder for too long. So you’ll just have to trust me about being right insofar as the first six games go. And if you don’t, I won’t care, so there’s that, too.
Anyway, here’s the schedule and my predictions (bolded) and the results (bolded if correct):
Broncos @ Jacksonville — L 24-17
Seattle @ Denver — W 31-14
Indy @ Denver — L 27-13
Denver @ Tennessee — W 26-20
Denver @ Baltimore — L 31-17
Jets @ Denver — L 24-20
Oakland @ Denver
Denver @ SF (in London!)
-bye-
KC @ Denver
Denver @ SD
Rams @ Denver
Denver @ KC
Denver @ Arizona
Denver @ Oakland
Houston @ Denver
San Diego @ Denver
As you can see, I am optimistic about the latter part of the season: since the AFC West is playing the NFC West this year, it’s like the Mediocrity Bowl week after week (you hear that, Seahawks and 49er fans?), and Denver is pretty good on the road in the west. They will, of course, win in San Diego, as they often do, and then lose at home at the end of the season to assure San Diego its playoff spot. *sigh*
So far I’m 6-0 on guesses (again, you’ll have to take my word), which is small comfort when the Broncos are 2-4 and will end up, in my overly optimistic estimation, 10-6.
(Okay, not much of one)
I admit that a very small (teensy, really) part of my liking for the boy’s name we have mostly settled on is that it would sound great if an NFL sportscaster were announcing it as part of the Broncos starting lineup. What can I say — I have a sickness.
Well. The Broncos are playing the Chargers, and I can’t believe I’m wishing Kyle Orton — Kyle Orton! — were starting for Denver. So…while I am nominally watching the game (Broncos are down 7-0 as I write), allow me to wax practical on the current geographic NFL divisions. Suffice it to say, the current divisions are very geographically inefficient, as you can see below:
Color key: Red = west teams, green = north, blue = south, purple = east
It is ridiculous that Minnesota, Dallas, and Houston are all farther west than St. Louis, yet St. Louis is in the NFC West division. Speaking of Dallas, it’s in the NFC East division, and Miami, the southernmost team, is equally ridiculously grouped with three northeastern teams. And just look at how much travel must be done within the two western conferences as compared to, say, the NFC or AFC North teams.
I’m not saying the geography and resulting travel time matter a great deal, but if it did — say for energy conservation reasons, or just the general fairness of teams having unequal travelling time — what could the divisions look like? Here are a few options:
1. Geographically efficient.
There is no perfect layout, but this is one of the most geographically efficient. (One team in the west sticks out like a sore thumb no matter how you lay it out.)
2. Nice and neat…except the northwest.
3. Preservation
This preserves the idea of North/South/East/West conferences in a way the first option doesn’t, and it also preserves some divisional rivalries, such as DEN-OAK-KC, MIN-GB-CHI, CLE-CIN, WASH-PHIL, BUF-NYJ-NE, and CAR-ATL.
4. Longitude:
If we’re just going by longitude — and I see no reason to do so; this is just for curiosity — this is how it would break down.
With the arrival of Lucy, you’d think I’d be writing about her on here more often. And I assure you, I will — if anyone can get on STFUparents for writing about their pet, that’ll be me. Currently, however, she’s sleeping off her vaccination shot, so I’m reading up on what I haven’t heard about in the past few days (puppies are demanding!).
So today, partly because of Lucy, I’m thinking about Michael Vick’s reinstatement into the NFL. For those of you who haven’t heard, he was convicted of financing a dogfighting ring and sentenced to two years in jail. He’s recently gotten out, and yesterday he signed with the Philadelphia Eagles (who, it should be noted, already have a capable quarterback in the form of Donovan McNabb; Vick will presumably be the backup, as it’s uncertain when he’ll be eligible to play during the season — NFL commissioner Roger Goodell hasn’t ruled on that yet). Many people have opinions on whether or not Vick should be able to return to the NFL after having been convicted of a felony, and they base these opinions on a variety of reasons, from the simple “he’s a felon!” fact to more nuanced notions of leadership and example.
My opinion — and it’s hard to say this as Lucy snoozes in her kennel, snoring like a foghorn — is that Michael Vick showed unspeakable cruelty toward animals that just makes my stomach turn, but he served his time, and he should be able to return to the NFL. It was, after all, his job prior to his sentence, and as his crime was not related to his career, I don’t see a problem with him returning (i.e. I would not want a convicted arsonist to become a firefighter).
What I do have a problem with is him returning to the NFL and being awarded a $1.6m contract with an option for $5.2m in bonuses. According to ESPN’s Lester Munson, Vick could actually earn $9.8m over two years. While I understand that Vick has debts to take care of as well as a fiancee and two children to provide for, I don’t think he deserves a million-dollar salary, however far below his record salary when he signed with the Falcons it may be. That comparison is moot, in my opinion, because Vick has not practiced in two years and is therefore unproven, and because it is — or it should be — a privilege to play in the NFL. Kids all over the country make role models out of athletes, and I believe that status should be earned.
What I would rather have seen is Vick be offered a base rookie salary — I think this is somewhere around $190,000 a year. Let him earn his way back to stardom, not become complacent — as he did on his first try — with all the money and fame. If he has to file for bankruptcy, so be it. Many of Vick’s problems stemmed from financing his friends and family members, and now that he’s got seven digits of income, he’ll start getting hit up for loans again.
I hope he cleans up. I hope he gets his game on and is a success in the NFL, in his kids’ lives, and in his own. Mostly I hope he becomes the role model he used to be for millions of kids, and this time I hope it’s genuine. I hope he one day deserves a multimillion-dollar salary. I just don’t think he does yet.
