I’d be done with these papers if it weren’t for constantly needing to get up and (1) pee and (2) BANG MY HEAD AGAINST THE WALL, OH MY GOD.
Seriously: how can you be so articulate about what we talk about in class and then NOT APPLY IT TO YOUR PAPER?
*
I have just given a paper 27%, an all-time low not counting plagiarism. The paper before that got a 90%. WTF, people.
Thinking of ordering matching t-shirts for the husband and I to wear during labor. Mine would say “misery,” and his would say “company.”
Me: Oh, hey, if you’re calling your mom, find out if [names redacted] are coming to the shower this weekend.
Husband: Okay.
Me: But don’t tell her I asked! It’s not my job to pry.
Husband: Right.
[He dials, his mom answers, they exchanges pleasantries]
Husband: Chelsey was talking to her mom and they were wondering who all is coming to the shower this weekend — glarbl, glug, gulpey, oof
[Wife releases husband's throat]
The end.
Have you ever been so tired and yet so hungry that you came home and sat in your own bowl of Cheerios? No?
JUST ME, THEN.
Why, Internets, WHY is baby stuff so ugly?! If it’s not a clichéd pastel like Pepto-pink or baby blue soup, it’s bright and garish and cheap and plastic or it has polka dots marring the surface (you know, polka dots used to be a sign of the plague… JUST SAYIN’), or it has malformed baby animals because lions and alligators and bears are just so goddamned cute and cuddly, right, or it has a zillion mind-numbing patterns that make me want to tear. out. my. hair. Will my child’s brain not develop sufficiently if he is presented with a normal, day-to-day palette of colors? Will it melt and ooze out his nose if he has to see pictures of real animals? Will a muted upholstery patterned with yellow and gray instead of BARN RED WITH NEON GREEN CIRCLES!!! stop him from going to Harvard some day? Will he, alas, sit toyless and unimaginative on the carpet, day after day, his little fists empty of Made-in-China plastic, staring at his boring beige wall as the dog licks the drool from his chubby chin?
That as a political group who believes in individual responsibility, right-wingers blame the government for an awful lot of stuff (not that they’re necessarily wrong; it’s just hypocritical), and I am cynically amused. For example: This week, Someone messed up something important at a government institution. As I understand it, it was very much Someone’s fault — no one/nothing else’s. Yet because it was a gov’t institution, my very right-wing friend blames the government. And somehow dragged the census into it. (Um, okay?) So I guess this righ-winger wants both personal responsibility and a convenient punching bag.
…Ugh. That’s it. I am starting my own country and it will be totally anarchist and I will be the only person there, so I will have total freedom. Total freedom and total control. I’ll have it both ways, too.
Thank you, thank you, to whomever signed me up for RNC mailings — I just love filling out those surveys and fucking with RNC voter statistics. My opinion, the letter from Michael Steele says, will “represent literally thousands of Republicans in [my] Congressional District.” Well, I must do my patriotic duty, mustn’t I.
This latest spam comment got caught in my filter, and I’ve let it languish there for a few days because it makes me smile. In fact, it almost made me wish I were good enough at something to have fans:
Substantially, the post is really the sweetest on this notable topic. I agree with your conclusions and will thirstily look forward to your forthcoming updates. Just saying thanks will not just be sufficient, for the fantasti c* clarity in your writing. I will right away grab your rss feed to stay abreast of any updates. Pleasant work and much success in your business efforts!
*[ironic sic]
p.s. it was in response to the snuggie haiku poetry. shiny!
Working all morning
You, smothering my body
Snuggie, my Snuggie!
NFL playoffs
Cursing Chargers and Cowboys
Snuggie me closer
I’m sure this has been done and done well by others, but I’m bored and procrastinating on two stacks of grading. Thus: reality television shows I would actually watch: