warmed-over soapboxes » blogs i’m not really proud of

This is just to say

Chelsey — Thu, 20 May 2010 21:19:36 +0000

That as a political group who believes in individual responsibility, right-wingers blame the government for an awful lot of stuff (not that they’re necessarily wrong; it’s just hypocritical), and I am cynically amused. For example: This week, Someone messed up something important at a government institution. As I understand it, it was very much Someone’s fault — no one/nothing else’s. Yet because it was a gov’t institution, my very right-wing friend blames the government. And somehow dragged the census into it. (Um, okay?) So I guess this righ-winger wants both personal responsibility and a convenient punching bag.

…Ugh. That’s it. I am starting my own country and it will be totally anarchist and I will be the only person there, so I will have total freedom. Total freedom and total control. I’ll have it both ways, too.

I’ve said it before

Chelsey — Tue, 11 May 2010 21:22:54 +0000

Thank you, thank you, to whomever signed me up for RNC mailings — I just love filling out those surveys and fucking with RNC voter statistics. My opinion, the letter from Michael Steele says, will “represent literally thousands of Republicans in [my] Congressional District.” Well, I must do my patriotic duty, mustn’t I.

Fan spam

Chelsey — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 04:58:54 +0000

This latest spam comment got caught in my filter, and I’ve let it languish there for a few days because it makes me smile. In fact, it almost made me wish I were good enough at something to have fans:

Substantially, the post is really the sweetest on this notable topic. I agree with your conclusions and will thirstily look forward to your forthcoming updates. Just saying thanks will not just be sufficient, for the fantasti c* clarity in your writing. I will right away grab your rss feed to stay abreast of any updates. Pleasant work and much success in your business efforts!

*[ironic sic]

p.s. it was in response to the snuggie haiku poetry. shiny!

An ode haiku to my Snuggie

Chelsey — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 00:08:37 +0000

Working all morning
You, smothering my body
Snuggie, my Snuggie!

NFL playoffs
Cursing Chargers and Cowboys
Snuggie me closer

Over under

Chelsey — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 00:24:11 +0000

I am making red lamé underwear for my husband.

Procrastiblog: reality TV if I were a producer

Chelsey — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 19:25:27 +0000

I’m sure this has been done and done well by others, but I’m bored and procrastinating on two stacks of grading. Thus: reality television shows I would actually watch:

Dancing with the Star Trek Wars: extra points to anyone who costumes up as Jabba; minus points for any Jar Jars; Data might have a bit of trouble really feeling the music, but I imagine he’d be able to process it.
Survivor: ‘Real America’: Equipped with the latest Glenn Beck novel, contestants learn to survive using only personal freedom and family values.
Iron Chevre: Contestants get to eat all the cheese they want. (I would so go on this show.)
The Biggest Loose Woman (or Man): Oh wait, they already have this — it’s called “The Bachelor.”
The Real Housewives of Remote Alaska: When your groceries get flown into you once a month or less, see what it takes to plan ahead and make do. And anyone who even mentions the erstwhile governor gets voted off the show and immediately deported to Russia.
Extreme Makeover: Infant Edition: Is your child bald? Fat? Are her cankles too chubby or his head too melon-like? No worries — plastic surgeons are standing by to make your child into the shape you always dreamed of.
Project Runaway: Fashion shows actually do something worthwhile and raise money for homeless teens.
Are You Smarter than a PhD?: Seriously, let’s get some respect for people who devote a decade of their life to getting academically hazed. And all teacher-contestants automatically win a chili pepper on RateMyProfessor(dot)com.
Big Brother: TRL: Unlike the no-privacy house where fabulously beautiful people do stupid things, this would just be normal people, all videos courtesy of governmental security cameras. The show will suck, but thankfully that doesn’t matter in reality television — the outrage will power huge ratings.
Keeping Up with the Whoosiwhatsits: Stories about people who really don’t deserve to be famous. First guest: Balloon Boy!