Procrastiblog: reality TV if I were a producer
I’m sure this has been done and done well by others, but I’m bored and procrastinating on two stacks of grading. Thus: reality television shows I would actually watch:
- Dancing with the Star Trek Wars: extra points to anyone who costumes up as Jabba; minus points for any Jar Jars; Data might have a bit of trouble really feeling the music, but I imagine he’d be able to process it.
- Survivor: ‘Real America’: Equipped with the latest Glenn Beck novel, contestants learn to survive using only personal freedom and family values.
- Iron Chevre: Contestants get to eat all the cheese they want. (I would so go on this show.)
- The Biggest Loose Woman (or Man): Oh wait, they already have this — it’s called “The Bachelor.”
- The Real Housewives of Remote Alaska: When your groceries get flown into you once a month or less, see what it takes to plan ahead and make do. And anyone who even mentions the erstwhile governor gets voted off the show and immediately deported to Russia.
- Extreme Makeover: Infant Edition: Is your child bald? Fat? Are her cankles too chubby or his head too melon-like? No worries — plastic surgeons are standing by to make your child into the shape you always dreamed of.
- Project Runaway: Fashion shows actually do something worthwhile and raise money for homeless teens.
- Are You Smarter than a PhD?: Seriously, let’s get some respect for people who devote a decade of their life to getting academically hazed. And all teacher-contestants automatically win a chili pepper on RateMyProfessor(dot)com.
- Big Brother: TRL: Unlike the no-privacy house where fabulously beautiful people do stupid things, this would just be normal people, all videos courtesy of governmental security cameras. The show will suck, but thankfully that doesn’t matter in reality television — the outrage will power huge ratings.
- Keeping Up with the Whoosiwhatsits: Stories about people who really don’t deserve to be famous. First guest: Balloon Boy!
Again you bring the brilliance. Love it!
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Iron Chevre. That’s rich like Brie. How about American Idoll House. Human “dolls” get wiped of their memory and downloaded with different music stars. For one day these dolls attempt to live the lives of such greats as MJ, Madonna, Brittney Spears, and Freddy Mercury.
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Chelsey replied:
November 19th, 2009 at 07:22
Clever.
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Hm . . . so is this an admission that you DO watch “The Bachelor,” or does it need the right title to draw you in? I think “Are You Smarter than a PhD” has real potential but am not entirely sure that “respect” would always be the byproduct. :-)
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Chelsey replied:
November 19th, 2009 at 07:25
I most certainly do not watch that kind of trash! I just read about it on trashy websites. :) Actually, I watched nearly one whole season of The Bachelor, and I remember getting really grossed out when the guy (presumably) had sex with the final four women in four days. Ew!
As for the PhD show, I suspect this would be epic fail, especially when people start spouting off about Proust and Derrida and other equally boring philosophy-types. :)
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Sara replied:
November 19th, 2009 at 14:52
Ooh, true confessions. Back when we had free TV I, too, probably watched most of a season. Yikes. I was really just teasing, though, since these were ostensibly shows you *would* watch but then you decided that the “Biggest Loose Individual” already does.
Well, I guess you’re right . . . I was thinking of the content of that smarter than a fifth-grader show and the number of Ph.D.s who probably aren’t, my own in-progress self included. Individuals utterly obsessed with Derrida, for instance, might not be so hot at state capitals or whatever else one does in fifth grade. I guess the show I was envisioning was more of “Is a Ph.D. Smarter than You?”–hence my guess that respect would not necessarily follow the results.
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This is blog at its best. I’m so jealous I didn’t think of this blog topic first. And I’m with Second Red on Iron Chevre. It ain’t easy being that cheesy.
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Gotchya point, kinda brilliant work you’ve done here ;).
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