Well ain’t that grandé
I’m standing firm, garbed with the belt of truth opinion, a breastplate of self-righteousness, and my feet fitted with the readiness to kick parents’ asses everyhwere: Yes, it’s another post about childish things by someone who doesn’t have children. Assess my ethos and get riled up accordingly.
This week’s topic: Grandparent names. I remember when my first sibling procreated and the discussion of what my parents should be called by the impending grandchildren –
[because, y'know, "Grandma" and "Grandpa" just wouldn't do, oh no! -- grandparents these days need unique names, not unlike parents who think an alternate spelling will showcase their child's uniqueness (instead of "Michelle" it's "Meeschelle"; instead of "Susie" it's "Souziee"; instead of "Chelsea" it's...hey, wait a minute...), and that same vanity appears to affect all generations, young and old; because grandparents these days aren't "grandma," they're "gramma" or "mimi" or "meemaw"; not "grandpa" but "pawpaw" or "poppy"]
– and, figuring that what my parents’ grandchildren called them wouldn’t really affect me, I offered my suggestions: “Grumps” and “Grim.” That was probably the first time my mom was even a tiny bit glad that I’m not having children. Suffice it to say, my family went in another direction with the name choices, and I was left to my child-free devices. Little did I know that listening to the sound of my nieces and nephew calling my parents “Pops” and “Grammie Lou” WOULD DRIVE ME UP THE WALL.
[Fortunately, my personality is such that the wall and I are intimate acquaintances, so much so that my foot- and handholds are quite well worn.]
It’s not that I want every grandparent to be “grandma” and “grandpa”, nor do I think everyone should have a “traditional” (or white/Anglo) name like “Tom” or “Sally.” Far from it. But I do find the overplanning wearisome — yet another part of a child’s life decided for him or her — and I would prefer to see grandparents’ names evolve naturally. Sure, go with “nana” if a child couldn’t pronounce “grandma” and it was this cute malapropism the kid hung onto. I see no problem with that. But to purposefully decide to misspell or go phonetic — is that necessary?
Not that it matters, mind you; my parents already have their new grandparent names firmly affixed, so were the flying pigs of hell to freeze over and we to have children, they’d probably go with the names established by the more procreationally inclined siblings.
Actually, to hell with hegemony; I’ll teach my kids to call their grandparents by their first names. Ha! Take that, Bwuth and Mawy Woo.
I totally agree with you. I’ve never quite figured out the whole hooplah behind naming the grandparents. Oh well. To each their own!
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Ha! “Grumps and Grim” is classic (as were your hovertext/title things)!
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Your revenge is classic; I can actually hear that, and it cracks me up. As the owner of a newly minted Mimi (NOT, I should note, minted by me!) I have been thinking long and hard about commenting. I utterly agree about the overplanning (and am thrilled by the actual child suggestions that do crop up, for example my Uncle Steve’s first grandson firmly and unexplicably took to calling him “Wish,” a habit that he’s just now grown out of and I, at least, mourn). I think it is, in many ways, a reconfiguring of the titles into individualized names; the aforementioned Mimi was originally to be Nana until she found out that the grandmother on the other side was already Nana, so then . . .
The trick with letting the kids’ organic take on things be the guide is that the little buggers don’t actually chime in for a very long time, and people must be addressed in the meantime. (Waiting for them to chime in would probably prevent another sin–one that I will plead guilty to–of speaking for the child: “Grandma, Sally wants to thank you for . . .”) I think your “grandma as foundational title” doesn’t quite work for me since I grew up with two grandpas but one Granny and one Grandma, and the titles also became names for me, names that arrived with accompanying characteristics–Grannys behaved certain ways and Grandmas others. Perhaps it is telling that in our lineup (none of which I exactly chose, but still) there is NOT a Grandma. My dad is the only one stying it resolutely old school and claiming “Grandpa” as his rightful name. If sticking to the standards would be a foolproof way to avoid the collective dithering and angst, though, I’d be tempted.
I’d best stop, blaming the length of this on my recent experience and the incoherence on my lack of sleep. Rail on!
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Chelsey replied:
November 20th, 2009 at 17:57
I hadn’t thought of characteristics coming from the titles — that’s food for thought.
If pressed, I would accede that “Nana” (of which I have one, who married my grandfather after my grandmother died, and you just don’t use the same name for the step-, however wonderful and kind she may be) and “Granny” are stalwart grandmatronly names that I don’t really protest. It’s really the overplanning and attempted cleverness — which I rarely find clever, except to my own amusement — that I protest, especially when combined with cutsey misspellings (“gramma” and “granpa” being the chief inspiration for this post).
Also, I have to say, I don’t understand why both grandmothers can’t both be “Grandma” (or Nana or Granny). Clarification, when needed, can be solved by saying Grandma X or Grandma Y. Yet for whatever reason, many grandparents-to-be seem to want to hold a different title from their counterparts, as if that is going to make any differents as to how special they are to their grandchildren.
…Goodness, why do I care? Apparently my empty uterus feels compelled to opine!
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