On whether puppies or children are more difficult
We were supposed to go boating on Sunday, which would have been a great way to beat the heat, but instead we’ll be out in the heat putting up the remainder of our fence — partly because we’re lazy and should’ve done this months ago (e.g. in May), and partly because we didn’t think the puppy would be SO DAMN EXCITED about being outside in the 100-plus degree weather. Her favorite activity — aside from gnawing on whatever forbidden object is nearest and showing her skill as the Westminster Poo Champion — is belly-flopping onto the grass, and then ten seconds later, scooting over toward a fresh shady patch, and then another, and another…. In fact, the damn dog would rather lay in the grass and then pee inside, where she doesn’t ruin valuable cool surface area.
Actually, I’m beginning to think that it’s a bit harder to have a dog than to have children because, aside from the rather major issue that dogs grow up faster than kids (THANK YOU, NATURE), kids generally can’t chew the table legs, pee/poop/slobber with reckless abandon in every conceivable corner, and willfully hide from you, all at the same time. My understanding is that kids tend to do these things in stages (not that I particularly want this process to grow longer, but I’d love to have fewer worries). And kids have diapers. AND, AND, THEY DON’T HAVE THOSE GODDAMN SQUEAKY CHEW TOYS.
Hang on, I’m not done. More evidence: the house is a mess, I haven’t showered, I’ve done a load of laundry every day since she arrived, and only on two of those days has the laundry not been poo-related; no one gets a good night’s sleep because yes, I have to let her outside and feed her in the night (see also: poo laundry); she cries if you aren’t with her ALL THE TIME, and then when you are with her, she prefers biting your feet to chew toys, as the footholder squeals louder.
But the fact remains that, while I suppose you could just put your child out to pasture in the back yard while you go about your day, it remains socially acceptable to only do this for dogs. So in order to allow her to enjoy the yard without adult supervision, and so I can finally take a goddamn shower without worrying about stepping out into a pile or puddle of Lucy fluids, we’ve got to finish the effing fence while simultaneously resisting the urge to flop down onto the grass right beside her.