earlier tonight, before i wanted to strangle him with dental floss
me: …well, they were very selective about–
brother: you mean subjective? or selective? subjective means–
me: I HAVE A MASTER’S DEGREE IN ENGLISH i know what subjective means
[later, the niece has been picking parsley from the flowerbeds and giving it to everyone. i take a bite of mine]
bro: you know she washed that parsley in the pool
me: shrug
bro: where the dogs drink. I HAVE A MEDICAL DEGREE AND I’M NOT EATING IT
Wow. Your brother sure knows a lot!
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WIFE i am glad you are beginning to talk like me, next time remember the comma splices
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