Okay, the longer, truthier story of seeing Anne Waldman
I feel the need to tell more about meeting Anne Waldman in the women’s bathroom. Because it’s not quite as neat as I might’ve let on in the first reference. And, okay, fine, because I also hope that Anne Waldman Googles herself and finds out the truth of what happened in the bathroom. ALL WAS NOT AS IT SEEMED.
So I enter the bathroom on a coffee-induced, bladder-relief mission, and on my way to the only empty stall, I see Anne Waldman washing her hands. I try, rather unsuccessfully, not to stare, but it’s Anne Waldman! I get to my stall and barely notice that the person before me didn’t flush. The toilet’s contents weren’t gross so I didn’t think too much of it; instead, I was mostly trying not to think about how Anne Waldman might be listening to me pee. (I have a bit of a phobia about public restrooms, one that I’ve [mercifully] kept mostly to myself lo these many years. You’re welcome.) I finished quickly and left, and the toilet (an automatic kind) flushed as I unlocked the stall door. Two more women were in line, and one went into my stall.
I began washing my hands NEXT TO ANNE WALDMAN, who was now applying makeup for her presentation that I was planning to attend. Planning to attend, that is, until the woman who’d taken my stall comes back out, looks directly at me, and says to the other woman in line, “That toilet is about to overflow.”
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
I had no idea what to say or do. “It wasn’t…. I didn’t…” I sputtered, but the damage was done: Anne Waldman glanced at me and it was clear that she thought I was nothing more or less than a woman who’d clogged a public toilet.
Oh Anne, if you ever Google yourself and end up here, please know that all I did was pee. I swear. And then I was too embarrassed to show my face at your presentation, and instead went to a different one where the first presenter was crucified and the other went point-by-point through his syllabus and I’ve regretted it ever since. BECAUSE YOU’RE ANNE WALDMAN AND YOU HAVE THIS EFFECT ON PEOPLE.