warmed-over soapboxesclever would be nice

football algorithm

§ August 15th, 2006 § Filed under uncategorized § 6 Comments

on this great and awesome day, the begining of preseason monday night football, i suppose it’s time for the obligatory algorithmic explanation of whom i cheer for and why.

first and foremost: the denver broncos. having been a fan of all things colorado since i did a report on that great state in fourth grade, this is a no-brainer. and jake plummer? mmm-mmmm.

second: seattle seahawks. location, location, location.

and i will go for green bay because, dammit, there’s just something so likeable about brett favre. it isn’t his legendary mnf game when his dad died—although, damn—; it’s his all-out honesty. the guy says what he thinks and the press idiots jump on it like he’s just lit some cracker in a barrel, but we all know it’s just brett favre being honest. you’ve gotta admire that he hasn’t sunk to the shaquesque, i’m-so-blown-up-on-steroids-that-my-brain-has-ceased-to-function level:

interviewer: shaq, what did you think of the knicks’ defense?
shaq: yeah, we go out there and give one hundred and ten percent. i think we played pretty good. we tried to play pretty good. i think we played pretty good.

anyway. from there, the process gets more complicated. here’s the breakdown:

west over east. i’m a west-coast girl and proud of it.

north over south. can’t stand southern weather or their manners—that goes for l.a. the way it goes for alabama. and games in the snow are hardcore, the way football oughtta be (unlike those pantywaist, crying-for-mama baseball players who may as well all bunk up in florida with their down comforters and parkas).

if there’s still a tie-breaker, i’ll take afc over nfc. just for fun.

exceptions: i’ll root for any team over oakland, and i reserve the right to adjust my preferences based on the good looks of a quarterback.

(sorry, husband.)

and for now, huzzah. the season has begun.