2011-2012 Broncos prediction update

§ January 1st, 2012 § Filed under football § Tagged , , § No Comments

So here’s what I predicted back whenever. And here’s what actually happened.

Oakland at Denver: predicted Denver. Wrong.
Cincinnati at Denver: Predicted Cincinnati. Wrong.
@Tennessee: Predicted Denver. Wrong.
@Green Bay: Predicted Green Bay. Correct.
San Diego at Denver: Predicted San Diego. Correct.
Bye
@Miami: Predicted Denver win. Correct.
Detroit: Predicted Denver win. Wrong.
@Oakland: Predicted Denver win. Correct.
@Kansas City: Predicted Denver loss. Wrong.
New York Jets at Denver: Predicted Denver loss. Wrong.
@San Diego: Predicted Denver loss. Wrong.
@Minnesota: Predicted Denver win. Correct.
Chicago at Denver: Predicted Denver loss. Wrong.
New England at Denver: Predicted Denver loss. Correct.
@Buffalo: Predicted Denver win. Wrong.
Kansas City at Denver: Predicted Denver win. Wrong.

I was correct 6/16. Worse score I’ve ever gotten, I think.

The one thing I did predict? An 8-8 record. The thing I didn’t predict: Denver going to the playoffs. Nor did I predict Denver, San Diego, and Oakland all having an 8-8 record with KC only a game behind, nor did I predict Tebow’s six-game winning streak, then three-game collapse.

On being perpetually 15 minutes late

§ November 20th, 2011 § Filed under blogs i'm not really proud of, boy genius § No Comments

Ugh. Long story short, we are in Honolulu. We’re supposed to be in Maui, but owing to a fog delay, we missed our connection (by fifteen minutes), made what seemed like a lucky standby coincidental connection to Honolulu but have not yet managed, in spite of a billion phone calls and customer service reps and flights to Maui, to make it to Maui.

There are worse things than spending an unexpected night in Honolulu, I must say. I just wish we were (1) not at an airport hotel and well out of walking distance of, like, anything, and (2) that it were not raining, which makes No. 1 totally null. However, the boy was awesome today. What a trouper. And my in-laws are awesome, and my husband is awesome, and my Toms shoes are awesome except when you’re running a mile between the United and Hawaiian air terminals, twice, with three bags and a stroller.

On NaBloPoMo failure and canine conception

§ November 19th, 2011 § Filed under blogs i'm not really proud of, pets § Tagged § 2 Comments

Ugh. Internets, I suck. Besides missing the very first day of NaBloPoMo, I missed another. And now, another. It’s like a metaphor, for my life. But like a smoker, I can start to quit anew every day…hmm, wait.

Anyway. Today, November 19, 2011, is the day we attempted to get my poor dog knocked up. I wasn’t there for it, but I’m told there was all kinds of weird stuff going on in the room: parts were massaged, positions were tried, things were injected into places.

And honestly, I feel like a sell-out. I worked at a humane society a long time back — I know how hard it is to get dogs adopted out. I know how much it sucks to see animals die because people are jerks. And I guess I’m one of the jerks bringing more unnecessary dogs into the world.

Except.

Except — ugh. I really want there to be an except, so I’ll make one: Except the dogs I’m responsible for bringing into the world won’t be unloved or unwanted. They’ll go to homes that are well vetted (by me, personally); they’ll be taken by people who can afford to pay not only for the dogs, but for the sometimes expensive care that ownership entails.

Except.

The people who buy these dogs wouldn’t be going to a humane society, anyway.

Except.

I love this breed: I love their energy, enthusiasm, curiosity, their contentment and love and slobbers and wrinkles. I love the way they breathe and snort and run out of energy at inopportune times and you have to carry them halfway down Tomer Butte and another mile up to your house, all fifty pounds of him, his slobbery mug resting on your shoulder. That’s a bulldog. They’re funny and loving, great with kids, not territorial, they don’t bark, they don’t bite, they don’t need long walks every day (though that’s fine, too); they just want love. And did I mention the wrinkles and cuddles and exuberance.

So, there. There’s my rationale. It’s flimsy and it sucks, and yes, part of why I’m doing this is for profit. And to pay the expenses of breeding and potential C-section, and to ensure the dogs go to homes that can afford them. But really, I love this kind of dog. And I love my Lucy, and Julius and Cleo before her, and Theo before them, and Angus before him. I’ve loved these dogs all my life and I hope that maybe other people can get that experience, too.

On tonight’s Broncos game

§ November 17th, 2011 § Filed under blogs i'm not really proud of, football § Tagged , , § No Comments

Wow. I mean, WOW. Slow start, wild finish. I hate Tebow’s arm, hate the fact that he’s being lauded for winning a game when he CAN’T THROW THE DAMN BALL, but I love his legs and I love Broncos wins, and I love seeing Rex Ryan look like he’s trying to shit a turtle.

On going back to work

§ November 15th, 2011 § Filed under blogs i'm not really proud of, job thingy § No Comments

Childcare crisis averted; we’ve found a daycare. This means I return to the workforce in January. Not that I’m not in it now, but my few hours of freelance writing aren’t exactly raking in the big bucks (nor, as it turns out, are my unpaid hours of editing for friends and family). However, if the freelancing continues, between that and my teaching schedule I should make just enough to pay the mortgage each month. I guess having a roof over our heads is better than nothing.

While on the one hand I look forward to going back to work, the challenge of, say, taking a shower before 9 a.m. does seem rather daunting. I wonder how ever shall I do it.

On sorting things out

§ November 14th, 2011 § Filed under blogs i'm not really proud of, pets § Tagged , § No Comments

It’s Day 2 of The Husband Is Being More Productive Than Me, and his cleaning and organizing the storage room can only mean one thing: he’s avoiding something. What that is, I couldn’t say. But why else would he spend all evening sorting through boxes and asking me what I want done with old magazines, baby clothes, papers, and why else is he leaving passive aggressive piles of stuff on my side of the bed for me to “take care of”?

Too bad I have no problem taking care of these piles by putting them back exactly where he found them.

(In marriage counseling, this blog post will be logged into evidence as Exhibit 1.)

And in other marriage-related news, Lucy has literally gone off to a nice farm in the country to spend Thanksgiving: she’s staying with my parents on their acreage for a few weeks, and if she gets lucky, there will be an arranged conjugal visit with a local bulldog stud. If she’s not lucky, one of the neighbor’s miniature donkeys will take a shine to her and we’ll end up with a litter of bullonkeys.

On layabouting

§ November 13th, 2011 § Filed under blogs i'm not really proud of, football § No Comments

You  know what the worst thing is about one’s husband being productive all day? He raked most of the leaves the tree shat on the lawn and spent the entire evening sorting through and filing away old papers, looking, vainly, for Boy Genius’s birth certificate. So what’s bad, you ask, about a productive husband?

HE’S SO GODDAMN SMUG ABOUT IT. Yes, Dear. You worked all day while I did some mild housecleaning and am now spending the waning hours watching football. No, Dear, I DO NOT WANT TO SORT OUT MY PILES OF JUNK. Also they’re already sorted. INTO PILES.

To quote Rick Perry, “Oops”

§ November 12th, 2011 § Filed under blogs i'm not really proud of, whine § No Comments

I missed a day of NaBloPoMo. I blame The Child Who Will Not Go the Fuck to Sleep.

In which my liberal card is revoked

§ November 10th, 2011 § Filed under politics § Tagged , § 3 Comments

I believe that everyone with income should pay federal income tax. This is a pretty unpopular opinion in liberal circles, and a wildly popular opinion in conservative ones, so I will explain, so as to make both camps unhappy with me.

(Ah, well.)

According to the Tax Policy Center, there are 151 million tax units (singles, couples, families) in the U.S., of which around 48% do not pay individual income tax. About 60% of those people make under $20,000 a year, which is below the poverty level (and also awful and sad). By my calculations — and I am no mathematician — this means there are around 44 million tax units not paying federal income taxes, the majority of whom cannot really afford to.

And here’s where you take away my liberal card.

I call bullshit: fixed income or not, poverty or not, I think every household can save a few cents a month and pay some federal taxes. If every tax unit saved $0.83 per month, which is to say that they paid $10 per year in income tax, that would add at least $440 million to the federal budget (hopefully more; the 40% making above poverty level might be able to contribute $1 per month, say). Sure, when the U.S. budget is projected to be $3.729 trillion in 2012, this is the tiniest fraction (.001 percent, right? again, not a math person) of the budget. But this amount of income does two things:

First of all, it gives everyone ownership of what happens in America. It means if you have income, your tax dollars — or cents, as it may be — aren’t just going to entitlement programs like SS and Medicare; it means they’re going to defense, environmental protection, emergency funding, world aid, etc. So if you didn’t pay taxes before and felt like you had no say in where your dollars were spent because your dollars weren’t spent, now you have no excuse. No longer do you have to feel inadequate when your GOP representative denigrates your income class to the country; now you can stand up and say, “Hey, shut up. I pay taxes too, though I can little afford it. This is my country and I’m giving and taking like everyone else.” Maybe it would even compel some people, who may have felt unworthy of voting before, to get out and vote.

Second, and most important, it would make the right-wingers STFU about how 50 percent of Americans pay no taxes. Hell, even crazy right-wing tea-nut Michele Bachmann has said that a dollar would be good enough for her, so let’s add an order of magnitude and take away a huge Republican talking point.

Best of all, once everyone who produces income is paying taxes, the GOP’s message that it’s okay to increase taxes on the poor but not the rich is severely undermined.

Caveat: Here’s what I don’t know: I don’t know how much it costs the Internal Revenue Service to review each tax statement. Maybe there’s a negative ROI on paying such low taxes, though the liberal in me would love to see the rhetorical knots Republicans twist themselves into explaining why it’s bad for poor people to pay taxes. I also don’t know exactly how to address income vs. capital gains, as well as people receiving Social Security. So this argument is incomplete with parts that I’m not prepared to deal with. (Work in progress, people. Work in progress.)

Yet while I hate to see the working class get nickel-and-dimed more (literally, in my projection), provided that the cost of processing these returns doesn’t make it negative, I think it’s well worth the cost of ownership of the country.

Suck it, Red.

On leaving

§ November 9th, 2011 § Filed under uncategorized § No Comments

I think this is not in the spirit of NaBloPoMo, but I’m off to the Wallowas this evening and nearly forgot to post before I left. As for the timing of my departure, well, who doesn’t live driving windy, forested, possibly snowy roads in the dark with a screaming toddler?

On nothing

§ November 8th, 2011 § Filed under blogs i'm not really proud of, books § 3 Comments

NaBloPoMo, Day 7

I have almost nothing to say. It’s election day, one best spent in bed on a deserted island with a book and no internet. Unfortunately that is not how I spent it, and now I’m medicating with Haggen-Dazs and will resume Game of Thrones, the book, shortly.

On time

§ November 7th, 2011 § Filed under boy genius, insomniblog, job thingy, whine § Tagged , , § 4 Comments

I have spent nearly all day trying to finish one of my articles so my editor won’t regret hiring me, but a certain Boy Genius is making it difficult. First, and in spite of our patient explanations, he didn’t care for the time change and awoke at 5:20. Then he decided two short naps wasn’t enough and added a new one. At eight-WTF-o’clock.

Nap, you say. Well then Chelsey has time to write, doesn’t she. While he naps.

Yes. I thought so too. I opened my laptop, the document I’m working on, all nine sources I’m using, and wrote a paragraph. ONE WHOLE PARAGRAPH. And then the Boy Who Barely Slept awoke. This was repeated twice throughout the day. Otherwise, if I tried to work on it while he was playing with his toys, he’d invariably fall, or bonk his head, or try to do dental work on the dog who is generally quite long-suffering but has her limits.

This is why freelance writing and stay-at-home-motherhood are incompatible. If I had childcare or even a child who napped in long, solid blocks — which, I believe, are a myth visited upon us by sadistic writers of sleep-training manuals — then yeah, I’d be productive. As it is, I have to wait for a break, which comes in the evening when the husband gets home, but first we have dinner, and then I leave to write, but I have to be back within an hour and a half for Cranky Genius Bedtime (still nursing), and by the time the Bedtime Ordeal is over and the little Evil Genius is in bed, yea, asleep, well by then it’s almost eight o’clock and I’ve been up since five-something and the words go onto the page, but when I see them again in the light of the next day, I know there’s no way in hell my editor wants to see this linguistic concoction.

So that’s how the freelance thing is going.

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